Secret Evangelical Plot - Drive up the price of Coffee

Recently I received a mailer from a seeker sensitive church that just started a few blocks from my neighborhood. Outside of the continual use of the words "relevant" "radical" and "real", I couldn't help but notice that the main concentration of the flier was to inform "me" the prospect that I could get "free coffee" from this church. All I had to do was attend.

"You will be greeted by a warm smile and hot cup of coffee at the door" (from the brochure).

Sort of reminded me of Walmart ... only that they give you free coffee.

The promise of "free coffee" was mentioned 10 times in the brochure. No where was it mentioned that they preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. Only that they were "relevant" and "non-judgmental". If this is typical to the seeker sensitive church then one can only deduce that there is a secret agenda behind the "church facade". They really aren't concerned with seeing people brought into the kingdom of God. They are only concerned with driving up the price of Coffee.

I have determined that the Evangelical Movement in America finds its' root in Columbia. The leader of this conspiracy is none other than Juan Valdez himself. As he traveled throughout the States promoting Colombian Coffee, he secretly planted the seeds for these "non-gospel" preaching churches. It makes sense. A church which preaches the gospel is going to offend many or most who are not Born Again Believers. This would in turn keep them from drinking the free Colombian Coffee (Caffeinated) which then would in turn drive up demand and the price per pound of Colombian Java.

This is the reason why the Evangelical - Seeker Sensitive Church in America doesn't preach Repentance and Faith instead of easy believism. Its' about the marketing of coffee not bringing new souls into the Kingdom of God.

I have to say that Juan Valdez, the Pope of the Evangelical Movement, has succeeded. Coffee is at an all time high and so is attendance at these "Relevant Churches".